Ramblings from the Pasture

The weather is slowly starting to warm up and dry out, meaning that spring might actually be just around the corner. Soon the days will be long and warm and we’ll all be outside working like fiends trying to get all of our projects done before winter comes to visit once again.

Knowing that these work days are coming I figure now would be a perfect time to share some tips for working in the pasture, because we all know that I like to share some educational posts. Mostly these are prime examples of what NOT to do, but whatever.

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1) First and foremost, it is imperative that you keep in mind that the pasture is basically your animals bathroom. This means that there will be poop……all over the place and especially where you least expect it.

2) Working in a pasture, it’s really important that you watch where you step. Manure is usually wet and  slick (as well as, being smelly and generally disgusting). So and in addition to the lasting damage to your ego, it can also cause damage to your body if you slip and fall.  Also, for goodness sakes, look around before you sit down out there.  Nothing worse than spending the rest of the day wearing skid marks on your britches.

3) Remember that poop comes in all shapes, forms and sizes. Some of it may even be difficult to see, practically invisible. But don’t let it fool ya. For instance, don’t think that just because you don’t see any poop you can grab that log and toss it over your shoulder to carry out of there. More than likely you’ll find people (and animals) giving you wide berth and odd looks and eventually you’ll probably figure out it’s because when you toss that log onto your shoulder you splattered poop onto the side of your head and then proceeded to smear it in your hair. If you’re a fan of  the movie “There’s Something About Mary,” I’ll just get to the point and tell you, manure does not make a good hair gel either, just in case you were curious.

4) Last, but certainly not least, while working in the pasture, do not lick your lips……..EVER. Just trust me on this one.


Ramblings: Farm fashion woes

Ursa 0116I freely admit that clothes shopping is not my forte. In fact, I had no idea until my daughter hit adulthood and started giving me clothes advice, that I really sucked at dressing myself. Who knew?? It’s not like anyone told me…….to my face. I’m pretty sure most people looked forward to the day when their mother quit choosing their clothes and they were able to dress themselves. Me? I hint, cajole and beg my mother to buy my clothes and spare me the whole experience.

It’s not that I don’t want to look nice, I just don’t place a lot of importance in it. I rarely take time to put together a nice outfit, let alone shop for one. When you add in the fact that I am also incredibly cheap, well it takes the torture of shopping to a whole new level. The amount stores charge for things that I consider cheaply made and God awful ugly, to boot….well, it should be a crime and I have a hard time making myself part with hard earned cash for what their selling at the local stores. Occasionally someone in the family takes pity on me and sends me a gift card to a clothing store with the hint that maybe I should consider buying something that isn’t stained, faded, ripped or torn. Thank God for my family or I would run around most the year in threadbare rags. This would be fine if I could just work on the farm all the time. Unfortunately I also work off the farm and my co-workers and supervisor have some strange belief that I should be able to show up to the office looking like a professional. Weirdoes!!!

For years my SIL, who actually has phenomenal taste in clothes and enjoys shopping, would send me her clothes when she got tired of them. Those giant boxes of clothes sent once a year or so were a God send and made me look like I actually knew what I was doing in the fashion world. And then the unfortunate happened….I outgrew her, meaning, I grew rounder and she didn’t.

Today, was apparently another instance of me not dressing myself well for work. After I got to work I noticed that jeans were way too short (I took the term ‘high waters’ all the way to ‘flood plains’) and my top had stains on it. Lots of stains!! I’m really not sure how I missed seeing them all, expect for the fact I rarely look as I grab something out of the closet and there wasn’t much to chose from in there anyway. So I wore my jacket all day and accepted my fate. This meant I was going to go shopping in the near future.

Since I had to stop at the local store on the way home to pick up a few things for dinner I thought I would run through the clearance clothing section and see if I could find a new shirt there and be done with the dreaded task quickly and fairly painlessly. (Isn’t it cute that I had such optimism…..totally misplaced optimism, as it turns out, but cute nonetheless.) Instead I found that once again I am totally out of sync with the rest of society. What apparently passes for the current fashion fade is not something that I would ever consider wearing….even if it were given to me free!  Granted the long flowing embroidered tops could be pretty….if you are tall (I’m not), willowy (I’m more round) and  like that flow-y  flower child kind of look (which I don’t).

I left the store pretty bummed to think that another shopping trip was in order, until I walked outside and noticed that the sun was shining, it was a balmy 45 degrees and I was able to be outside without a jacket. It made me giddy to think spring is on the way and I might have even done a little dance right there in the parking lot, because it doesn’t take much to make me happy. So I headed home to play with my goats in the sunshine and they don’t even care that my clothes are stained. Goats are good like that. ❤ my goats!

Ramblings, dogs and house cleaning:

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We discovered when Murphy was just a pup that he hates the vacuum. He absolutely goes nuts, barking and attacking the darn thing. In fact, he enjoys attacking the hose attachment so much it now resembles  a well-loved chew toy. I never gave it too much thought. After all I know a lot of dogs don’t like the loud noise of the vacuum, and between the annoying noise and the odd dance their human does with the machine….well, I can see where it would be a bit concerning from their point of view.

However, yesterday I was ironing. Yes, ironing. I know it’s such a rare event that Hell might have frozen over. (Minor rant:  when you decide you want to learn to sew here’s a little nugget of info no one tells you, it involves ironing! Who knew??? Certainly not me! Not only do you have to iron the finished product, you have to iron the material after you wash it at the very beginning of the project AND again iron at the seams as you are attaching quilting pieces. Basically it’s a giant, freaking ironing fest! As someone who last ironed when my daughter was 3 years old (more than 20 years ago) this knowledge would have seriously impacted my choice to learn to sew had I only knew. ) Anyway, I digress, I was ironing and Murphy went nuts, barking and howling at the iron and the ironing board. It was then that it dawned on me. He didn’t specifically hate the vacuum, he hated the process of cleaning the house or doing indoor chores in general. I can so totally relate to this!! In fact I believe this knowledge has brought Murphy and I even closer together. We’ve bonded over our shared dislike of house cleaning.  It was rather beautiful, kind of like one of those Hallmark moments.

Wait, I told myself that this year I was going to try to include something useful in my blogs and not just ramble on endlessly…. hmmm….Ok, hold on to your hats, here it is, don’t clean the house, it’ll stress out your dogs. Don’t have dogs? Well, this is the perfect reason to get one. You’re welcome.